In the middle of the ashes – we will rise

We are in one of those times where it’s pouring – we’re taking hit after hit, one thing after another, being pummeled by financial and emotional stress.

My brain is running in circles, and I’m trying very hard to make sure those circles don’t turn into a downward spiral.  I can’t make up my mind about whether we can do this or not, whether I should go back to work or not… I don’t know what to focus on, so I end up doing nothing or a bunch of things not very well.  When my mental state is healthy and rational, I know getting angry doesn’t help.  I know I can focus on what I can control.  I can take small steps towards our big goals.  I can concentrate on forward movement.  I can remember that we can do hard things and the rising will come.

Right now, however, I just received news about all the money we owe (see my previous post), and I’m coming off of a weekend with someone who seems to have very little respect for me or my husband (seems to being the operative phrase here – I’m very aware of the trickiness of perception), and it feels a lot like we can’t catch a break and we’re the enemy no matter what.

Ah!  Everything feels so…unfair.

But… deep breaths.  I will focus on the rising and deep breaths.  Jesus was treated like absolute shit (not that I’m comparing myself to Jesus…at all), tortured, and brutally murdered, and He came back from the dead.  That’s who’s got my back.

FOR I AM THE LORD, YOUR GOD, WHO TAKES HOLD OF YOUR RIGHT HAND AND SAYS TO YOU, DO NOT FEAR; I WILL HELP YOU.
ISAIAH 41:13

Okay.  We can do this.

I CAN DO EVERYTHING THROUGH HIM WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH.
PHILIPPIANS 4:13

I’m just going to consider David and myself members of The Order of the Phoenix.  We rise.  I don’t know how or what we’ll have to do or how many more obstacles will be put on this particular path.  But I know we’ll rise.

My devotional (Jesus Calling) has had the theme of trust and thankfulness for the past several days, so I should’ve known more was coming.  I don’t want to deal with any of it, really.  But I’m looking forward to seeing what God does with it, how we’ll grow.

Just when you think you have a plan or some things figured out, someone (or something) comes in and messes it all up.  It’s like trying to fold laundry with a toddler – you get one pile done only to realize they’ve thrown the other clothes all over the house.

Perhaps I was making my routines and schedule an idol without realizing it.  Maybe God’s calling me out.  This is the devotional (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) for June 5th:

But most people seek this fulfillment in other people and earthly pleasures or achievements.  Thus they create idols…Let Me fulfill your yearning for perfection.

DELIGHT YOURSELF IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART.
PSALM 37:4

Ha.  Yep.  I think Someone’s sending me a message.  Heard it, Father, loud and clear.

Thanks for listening, friends.

 
Hi! I’m Molly, author of Blogging the In-Between.  I am a wife to David, step-mom to Audrey (14), and mama to Lily (2) and Tommy (newborn).  I taught English for 8 years before making the decision to stay home with the babies.  I love camping and yoga and Harry Potter.  And I love learning new things.

I have realized life is FULL of in-betweens.  And it’s those moments that make us.  It’s the in-betweens that mold us into who we are and who we’ll become.  That’s where the magic is.

My intent with Blogging the In-Between is to share what I’m learning along the way, to build community for open and honest communication about parenting, step-parenting, and want-to-be parenting.  I want to share ideas and strategies through my trial and error.  Mostly, I want to provide some encouragement for you in your in-between.  Wherever that may be, you are not alone.

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